Make Mine A Double: 2009 Part I

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Matters of the Heart

Hi! Just home from a lovely 3 day stay at the hospital for a fucking HEART ATTACK. No shit! I had my 5th round of chemo last Wednesday, and by Saturday was starting to feel some minor side effects (joint pain, fatigue), but by the afternoon my chest was so tight I couldn't stand it. My jaws ached, and my arm was totally weak, I couldn't even lift it. I called my oncologist, but some douchebag was on call who told me "it doesn't sound like your heart, it's probably indigestion or stress, so take a Xanax and some Pepto and call me back in an hour".

Um......Say what??? Fuck THAT. Now, I'm no doctor, but I definitely know the classic symptoms of a heart attack. Ten minutes later I was in the E.R. having an EKG. The doc says "you know what's happening, right? You're having a heart attack." I KNOW!! I'll tell ya, when you're having a heart attack in the E.R. you become VERY popular. EVERYBODY swarms all over you. After lots of meds, a cardiac cath, echo-cardiogram, chest x-rays, CT scan, EKGs, blood draws every hour for 3 days, and some very lovely pain meds- I am home. I feel okay, just kind of shell-shocked. I have 4 new cardiac meds. I'm trying them one at a time so if there's a reaction I know which one to blame.

They don't know what caused it- chemo is a possibility, family history, smoking, cholesterol, stress (ya think???) are all contributing factors. I have to see the cardiologist before my next chemo because he has to clear me for it.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

pateeta

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Chemo #1- so far, so good

Yesterday was my first chemo treatment. I was pretty anxious about it; in the past month since the surgery I've been pretty good, but yesterday morning I was all bunged up about it. That could have been from the massive amount of steroids I had to take the night before and again that morning, too.

Rock Star took me to treatment on the bike. It's a 25 mile ride up to North Scottsdale to my doc's office and the traffic was good. It really calmed me down. We got there and he stayed until they got me hooked up. I got more steroids through the IV first (they are to prevent allergic reaction, but they really jack you up). Then, they put Zofran (anti-nausea med) and Benadryl through the IV for 30 minutes. Then they gave me a small dose of Taxol (the chemo drug). I tolerated it fine- didn't even feel it going in. I'd had all kinds of weird dreams about that.

I had a big, comfy armchair, my MP3 player which blasted Kid Rock when the Taxol started), I started my Journal, talked to some nice patients about treatment and sipped on my Power Ade (blue, of course). My friend Kimmy, who works in the office complex where I was at came to visit me on her lunch hour, and then my sister came over an hour later. I got to walk outside with my IV pole and sit in the sun (twice). I ate cheezy crackers and mini Baby Ruth bars (sweet). You see those ribbons on the wall? Those are the Graduation Ribbons, and we get to sign them on our last day of chemo treatment. Each loop of bow and all 12 of the 4 foot streamers are signed on these two. One of the patients today is the first to sign the 3rd bow. I'm gonna sign that one, too, in August.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. I had no problems, the chemo nurse absolutely rocks, and I felt great. They said any side effects would start in about 24 hours, but I may not get sick at all. I have a lot of anti-nausea meds here should I need them but so far, so good. I made us all a steak dinner last night, with baked potatoes and a salad. I ate it all.

I'm going back to work on Monday. I'll work as much as I can between treatments. Thank you for your prayers and love. I know it made everything go right yesterday.

Love to all.

pateeta

Saturday, April 18, 2009

And so it begins

I start chemo on Wednesday. I'm trying to learn as much about it as I can so I'll be prepared, but there are so many things I don't know. I have lots of medication to help me through it so maybe it won't be so bad. I have good people looking out for me and ready to help in whatever capacity I need. I am so lucky to have them.

This all happened so fast that I didn't have time to think about it or process any of it. But now it's all kind of crashing down on me. So much to think about and try to plan for, but a lot of it is still unknown. Sometimes it overwhelms me. It's a scary thing, but I am still not afraid. I have referrals for support groups, counseling, advocacy groups, etc. My church is supportive and I have a lot of people saying prayers for me, which gives me great comfort.

I'm determined to get through this. What's 6 months in the grand scheme of things, anyway? It's gonna SUCK, and I know it. But I'm strong, stubborn, and have a lot to live for.The love of my family and my faith in God keep me focused.

I will survive.

pateeta

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

20 lbs in 20 days.

Not that I was trying, but I'm 20 lbs lighter than before the surgery. I just can't eat more than 4 bites at a time. When you can only get down 4 bites of something, you become real picky about what to eat. Hmmm, do I really want those chips?

pateeta (or what's left of her)

Sunday, April 05, 2009
10 days post op (warning- graphic photos!)

Feeling much better today. I have some GNARLY new scars! 14 inches on my belly, an abdominal port that's attached to my left lower rib, and chest port for future chemo. They don't hurt and my abdominal muscles are working fine but my back is killing me because I can't sit up or lie down comfortably yet. Wah. :(

Sweet, huh?

I'm getting a little stir crazy here at home. I miss my Big Black Dog- he's staying at Brojito's house for awhile so he doesn't kill me with 90 lbs of pure Labrador love. I did visit him the other day, though. We were so excited! He took it easy with me, with Bro at the ready to yank him off me, should he need to. He didn't.

Rock Star took the Boyo to Cycle Fest the other night, both of them sporting pink bandanas in my honor. Can you believe it? There were some comments, but my Beautiful Son just said "Hey, they're for my MOM!" (with blue fire shooting from his eyes) and was left pretty much alone after that. I am so proud of him.

I called my rheumatologist while I was in the hospital to let him know what was going on, since he never could figure out what was wrong with me. All I can say is that right now, my joint pain is GONE. (along with my ovaries and my spleen, and some other parts I didn't know I had).

Anyway- back to life as I know it, whatever that is. I'll be starting chemo soon so am bucking up for that. I'm trying to do the math about the wedding and the chemo- 26 weeks til the wedding, with 18 weeks of chemo leading right up to it. How long does it take for hair to grow back? The Britney Look was SOOO not what I was going for in the wedding pictures- but we'll see what we see, I guess.

I need some biscuits and gravy.

pateeta

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Words alone. . . . .

Cannot express my gratitude for the outpouring of love and support from those who love me. To my wonderful family, my Rock Star, my friends, coworkers, employers, casual acquaintances and even complete strangers who took time to say a prayer, send a card, flowers, or the gift of your good thoughts for my cancer ordeal- THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. With your support, and the grace of God, I will survive.

I love you all.

pateeta

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Pateeta, on her 48th Birthday

My office threw me a great party today. There were 48 balloons in my office, a red velvet bundt cake with cream cheese icing from my girls, flowers, cards, Starbucks cards, PLUS a big-ass white cake with purple flowers and strawberry filling from my docs, so it wasn't all bad. (not that I got to eat any of it)

I saw the oncologist today at 4:00. WOW, this dude doesn't fuck around.

I'm having open abdominal surgery TOMORROW for ovarian and (Surprise!) abdominal masses. God, the fun never stops at La Casa Pateeta, let me tell you. The surgery will be anywhere from 2-4 hours, and start (somewhere) between 2 and 5pm because he already has a full surgery schedule in the morning. He'll implant an intra-peirtoneal catheter for later chemo treatments. I'll be in a brand new, state of the art hospital and I won't be discharged until Monday, but I'll be attended by the best gyn/oncologist in the Valley. They better have WiFi, is all I can say. I missed my birthday dinner because I had to start my liquid diet/bowel prep as soon as I left the office, so I'm a little cranky. Beer is clear, right?

My Girl is driving down from Flagstaff with The Baby tonight, and my whole family and my Rock Star will be there with me tomorrow. I believe in God and I am not afraid, but please say a prayer for those who love me that they may have the strength to endure whatever may come.

I love you all.

pateeta

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Haven't got time for the pain

I don't know what the heck is wrong with me, but it's not getting better. Joint pain? Psshht, big deal. Ice it, wrap it, Motrin it, should go away, right? Sadly (and painfully), after a month of an ER visit, PCP visit, Rheumatologist visit, a gallon of blood tests, back to the PCP, anti-inflammatory drugs, narcotics, steroids, much distress and NO ANSWERS- My joint pain has spread to almost ALL my joints. It migrates. It HURTS!

Today I looked like a big dork with my right wrist and right ankle braced (it hurts to move them much), but the topper was the lime-green splint on the middle finger of my left hand because that finger is frozen in a claw. If I was left handed, I'd be DONE. Luckily, my knees don't hurt this week, and my elbows have somehow been spared from this very weird, very sudden, very painful arthritis-like attack... thing... that's happening to me. I feel old and decrepit. And very, very cranky.

According to some of the tests done, I do NOT have Lupus, Valley Fever, Gout, Strep, Pneumonia, Thyroid problems, Fibromyalgia, etc. I have, however, been exposed to Parvo (WTF?) at some time or other, and several other test results were off the charts but not specific enough to pin down something like Rheumatoid Arthritis.

At work today, one of my docs said (jokingly), "You could have syphillis!". And I thought, "Yes! If I just had SYPHILLIS, then I could get a shot and it would be cured!". I never thought I'd be wishing for something as simple as syphillis. I can't be taking Vicodin and Prednisone forever. I just want someone to tell me what's wrong and make it go away. How am I gonna put together a million sunflowers for my wedding if my hands don't work? I don't have time for this pain.

Please let it be syphillis.
pateeta

Sunday, January 25, 2009

There are a lot of holes in the desert

Some, you never think about. We rode down to Green Valley yesterday with the Foothills H.O.G. Chapter to tour the Titan Missile Museum. The TITAN Misslies were built during the Cold War to deter a nuclear attack on the United States. (meaning: Everyone knew we had them, so don't EVEN think of trying to nuke us!) I never paid much attention to all that when I was a kid; it was just "boring war stuff" to me. Hey, I'm a girl.

But now, thinking about the reasons for it, and the possibilities it averted- (and actually seeing a genuine Titan Missile (e.g. nuclear BOMB) it's horrifying and mind numbing.Of course, it's disabled, (really?) but going down those 50-odd steps deep into the ground